Your Loved One is Gone: How to Handle the People Left Behind

When you lose someone close to you, it can feel like the world should stop. Your world has.

But everyone else keeps going. It’s hard to understand how things can continue as usual—how people can go about their daily lives—when your loved one has died. In the wake of their passing, some people may say or do things that feel inappropriate or insensitive.

How are you supposed to deal with their comments and work through your grief at the same time? It’s not easy.

One small consolation is predictability. Many people have common responses to the news of an overdose, and knowing that can help you prepare. You can also prepare yourself for your own emotions. While everyone’s grief is unique, many of us move through similar stages and reactions during the grieving process. Understanding that can help you brace yourself for what may come.

What They’ll Say

You’ll likely encounter people who say exactly the wrong thing. Some simply don’t know what to say. Others may be overly curious and ask questions that feel intrusive. You may even meet people who are in shock and struggle to accept the news. Some individuals may unintentionally shift attention to themselves instead of offering comfort.

These responses can be frustrating and hurtful. It may help to remember that many people in your situation encounter similar reactions. When you do, try to keep in mind that most people are doing the best they can in a situation they don’t understand. If someone asks questions you aren’t comfortable answering, you don’t have to respond. While it’s important to find safe outlets for your grief and talk with those who truly listen, you are not obligated to continue conversations that feel unhelpful or inappropriate. You don’t have to share details with everyone who asks.

What They’ll Do

In addition to saying uncomfortable things, people may also act in ways that don’t sit well with you.

In some cases, you can take a proactive approach. As you share the news, consider asking people not to post about it on social media, especially if not all family and friends have been notified.

Others may place expectations on you about memorial services or how they think you “should” grieve. Try not to take on the pressure of pleasing everyone. Do what feels right for you and your immediate family.

And then there are the people who show up with quiet compassion. They offer shoulders to cry on, hands to hold, and a steady presence when you feel unsteady. They speak words of encouragement and offer empathy that reassures. Keep these people close. Allow them to support and care for you through your loss.

What You’ll Feel

This part can be especially difficult. After losing someone, it’s common to feel irritable or even angry. Seeing others laugh, celebrate, or enjoy everyday moments may stir up resentment and intensify the ache of missing your loved one.

These reactions are normal. It’s okay to take time alone to process your feelings. Support groups and grief counselors can also be invaluable resources during this period.

Recognize your reactions as part of the grieving process, and give yourself permission to seek the support you need.

Every week, hundreds of families experience the loss of a loved one to substance use. You are not alone.

Finding Support After Loss

Grief after an overdose or struggle with substance use can be complex, especially when it intersects with questions about addiction and treatment. If you or someone in your family needs support, Recovery.com can help you find treatment centers that specialize in substance use and co-occurring mental health care. Search by location, level of care, and specific needs to find options that feel right for you and your loved ones.